Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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