what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
