Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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