so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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