After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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