you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
