You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your penis caused this!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
