here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
