We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
