The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
