so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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