remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Enjoy the penises
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
