If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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