i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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