Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
