No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
