I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
