I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
