fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
