Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
false alarm. still invincible.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
