Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
