The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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