I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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