I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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