Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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