remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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