God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
