You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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