He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
