dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
