awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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