What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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