I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
