i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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