if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
