i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
