And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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