I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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