1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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