you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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