Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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