i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
