Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...