I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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