I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
