watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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