Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
