she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
