Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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