the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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