I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
