Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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