I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
