Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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