Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.

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(915): View more from Texas

My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

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(828): View more from North Carolina

yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea

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(810): View more from Michigan

Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words

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(706): View more from Georgia

In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.

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(909): View more from California

The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.

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(269): View more from Michigan

all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird

(269): View more from Michigan

OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance

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