my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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