3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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