I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
