I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
