That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
