I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
