You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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