Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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